Movie Review: ‘Into the Storm’

Into the Storm Movie Review
A scene from New Line Cinema’s and Village Roadshow Pictures’ thriller ‘Into the Storm’ (Photo © 2014 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc)

Spoiler Alert: I use the CAPS LOCK a few times in this review. You’ve been warned.

If you were thinking about heading Into the Storm because it looked like another fun disaster movie, I beg and plead of you not to head Into the Theater. Simply put this is one of the very worst films of 2014 … even giving it the benefit of the doubt because it’s built as a dumb disaster movie. And this is coming from someone who loves the Sharknado films. At least with those the filmmakers understand they’re making horsesh#t and play into it. Here, “director” Steven Quale (sure he did Final Destination #5!) and “writer” John Swetnam (who likely put all his “thought” into the script for the upcoming Step Up All In) have crafted what is perhaps the worst combination of found footage film with wannabe Roland Emmerich disaster epic.

The movie begins with the hokey “kid talking to the camera because he’s making a time capsule” gimmick and establishes the idea that he and his brother will be filming things so we can get those awful first-person shaky-cam shots that I thought most filmmakers understood was a fad that died out a few years ago. Seriously, unless your driver’s license reads “Paul Greengrass”, or you’re a filmmaker who understands how to utilize a concept to enhance the story rather than simply abuse it because you think you know what you’re doing, GIVE IT A REST.

And don’t worry, the lazy clichés don’t stop there. Coinciding with the small Oklahoma town’s high school graduation ceremony that will obviously be devastated by the titular storm there’s a group of storm chasers who are attempting to make a documentary. Documentary you say? That sounds like a great way to ADD MORE CHARACTERS WITH CAMERAS WE HAVE TO WATCH CRAPPY FOOTAGE FROM! Hooray…

Along the way we’re given awful attempts at teen romance, wooden father/son issues, the old single mother working far away from her young daughter setup, and a whole host of other bland attempts at character development that all fall flatter than the buildings the giant tornado will eventually ravage.

But Ian, you keep saying there will be a storm, which is all that people are interested in seeing anyway? Yeah … that’s true … there’s a big tornado (an EF5 if you’re a fan of the Enhanced Fujita scale of rating tornadoes … I’m more of a regular Fujita scale kinda guy) … and even a few smaller but quite destructive ones prior to that … but if you’ve ever trusted me before please take my advice: This movie is TERRIBLE.

But Ian, how terrible could it be because it’s just another dumb disaster movie? Let me put it this way, I brought a friend to the screening who LOVES disaster movies (and I’m a huge fan myself). How much does she love disaster movies though? She really and unironically likes Twister (which I can understand) and 2012 (which I cannot) … that’s how much. What’s the first thing she says to me after the movie’s far too painful and seemingly endless 90 minutes have elapsed? “Wow. That was awful.”

Honestly, even with the hilariously unrealistic final scene of Twister where Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt survive a giant tornado by lashing themselves to some pipes that extend 30 feet into the ground (so you know they’re going to be safe), that movie simply outclasses Into the Storm in every way. Is it too late to say Spoiler Alert? (Yes but that movie came out in 1996 so if you haven’t seen it already, were you ever actually going to get around to it?)

What drives me absolutely off the deep end and cements my feelings about this “film” is that although the end of the movie appears to use some actual footage of communities hit by tornadoes and is set in Oklahoma which is smack dab in the middle of Tornado Alley, the entire production was shot in MICHIGAN. Really? Once New Line picked up the movie you couldn’t throw the state of Oklahoma a financial bone? After all, it’s their citizens who have to endure such awesome and terrifying displays of mother nature every year. But hey, we’re just making a dumb found footage film, right? (Well, they got the dumb part right).

I especially enjoy that the media blitz and interviews about the movie play up the found footage aspect of the whole thing … unless all you’ve seen is the trailer in which they do their damn best to hide that fact because audiences would likely roll their eyes and say “not another shaky-cam nausea fest”. Truth in advertising? I know Hollywood is terrible at this but I’m not looking the other way this time. The marketing campaign, and more importantly the movie itself, is a HUGE middle finger to audiences the people behind the film clearly think are as dumb as the awful stereotypes of Oklahoman good ‘ol boys depicted in the movie as wannabe YouTube stars who end up also trying to capture the storm using their GoPro camera and cell phone. YAY! MORE PEOPLE WITH CAMERAS WE HAVE TO WATCH CRAPPY FOOTAGE FROM!

I think you get the gist of my feelings on this movie by now. Even better, I hope you are taking me seriously here. If there’s a movie you should avoid, it’s this one. Especially as there are actually good summer popcorn options out there to watch in theaters. Go see Guardians of the Galaxy (again). Go see Lucy. Go see … oh hell, I don’t care. Just don’t see Into the Storm! If you do, you’re just encouraging studios to combine low budget and low-IQ filmmaking with inflated CGI budgets. Don’t prove a system that only cares about profits to be right about the willingness of audiences to watch anything if it has loud noises and explosions. Learn from the words of the Williams (Shakespeare first, Faulkner subsequently) about what sound and fury may signify. We already have the SyFy channel. That’s FREE with your cable package. Why pay more for crap that thinks it doesn’t stink?

GRADE: F5

Into the Storm opens in theaters on August 8, 2014 and is rated PG-13 for sequences of intense destruction and peril, and language including some sexual references.