Some movies are just made for festivals. They’re simple, artistic, and generally leave audiences with something to think about. Having its debut at the Sundance Film Festival earlier this year and doing the usual run through all the rest, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a perfect example of one of these films.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You stars Rose Byrne (Insidious) as a woman named Linda who is dealing with a seriously ill child and an absentee husband. Just when it seems as if things couldn’t get any worse, Linda’s apartment floods and she is forced to move into a hotel, along with her daughter and all of her daughter’s medical equipment. And that is not the end of Linda’s problems.
That’s kind of all there is to If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. It’s a movie about one poor woman dealing with avalanching problem after problem, and her methods of dealing with said avalanching problems range from healthy and normal to downright dangerous. Writer/director Mary Bronstein (Yeast) has crafted a compelling look at one poor woman’s wits-end descent into madness. It’s also a brutally honest and unflinching look at motherhood.
If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a tough movie to pin down. It’s a bit too thriller-y to be dramatic, but it takes itself too seriously to be a real thriller. There are parts that are humorous, but if it’s a comedy, it’s the darkest, blackest comedy there is. Although it does lean a bit into horror, it’s not quite a horror movie either. Despite this identity crisis, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You knows exactly what kind of movie it wants to be. It just doesn’t want to let the viewer know. It wants to be difficult.
At the center of the movie is Rose Byrne’s powerhouse performance. Throughout the movie, Linda is both desperate and driven, both vulnerable and strong. She’s outwardly trying to hold things together for the sake of her daughter and her family, but she’s also slowly succumbing to the intense pressure of trying to carry the world on her shoulders. Byrne captures this balance perfectly, getting the audience to feel sympathy for her even though she’s not an entirely likeable character. The viewer cares for her, flaws and all.
The support cast is solid as well. Late Night talk show icon Conan O’Brien pulls his weight in a surprisingly non-comedic role as Linda’s therapist. A$AP Rocky spreads his wings as one of Linda’s hotel neighbors, and it’s refreshing to see the young rapper actually act instead of just play himself. Saving one of the most pivotal roles for herself, writer/director Mary Bronstein even shows up as a doctor who attempts to provide some clarity to Rose’s muddied perspective.
The technical aspects of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You are also remarkable. Cinematographer Christopher Messina’s claustrophobic camera work is purposely selective, only showing what he and Bronstein want to show and thus allowing the viewer to feel just as trapped in the movie as Linda feels trapped in her life. Editor Lucian Johnston cuts Messina’s footage together with a sense of controlled chaos, using long takes that let Byrne go with her role while still creating a sense of jump-cut urgency.
The real MVP of the movie (aside from Rose Byrne) is sound designer Filipe Messeder. Messeder has a horror background, having worked on movies like Weapons, The Lighthouse, and the upcoming Black Phone 2, and he puts this experience to good use here. He deftly combines external sound effects like medical equipment beeping and cell phone vibrations with internal imaginary voices and bodily sounds, mashing it all up into one terrifyingly anxious soundscape. Sound is always half the movie, but in the case of If I Had Legs I’d Kick You, it’s more than that. It’s integral. It literally makes the movie.
In the end, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You leaves a lot of questions unanswered, and that is frustrating for the viewer. But it’s a good kind of frustrating. It’s the kind of frustrating that keeps the movie in the theater of one’s mind for days after it ends in the actual theater. And that is one of the hallmarks of good indie cinema.
GRADE: B
Rating: R for language, some drug use, and bloody images
Release Date: October 10, 2025 (Limited), October 24, 2025 (Nationwide)
Running Time: 1 hour 53 minutes
Studio: A24
