The Marvel Cinematic Universe is in a weird place right now. Since the end of Phase 3 and “The Infinity Saga,” the movies seem to be just throwing stuff against a wall to see what sticks. Unfortunately, Madame Web doesn’t quite stick.
Madame Web is about a New York City paramedic named Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) who, after a near-death experience, discovers that she has clairvoyant powers. Meanwhile, a dark figure named Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim), who also has clairvoyancy (as well as other spider-like powers), has dreams of three young women named Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Mattie (Celeste O’Connor), and Anya (Isabela Merced) who will develop similar powers to his and eventually kill him. Cassandra’s abilities allow her to detect Ezekiel’s plan and she vows to stop him. But to save their future, she must confront her own past.
To be fair, Madame Web is not actually part of the traditional Disney Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s part of Sony’s Spider-Man Universe that sometimes crosses over into the MCU. So, Disney is not to blame for Madame Web. It’s brought to us by the same people who thought Venom and Morbius would cross over well. So that’s the thought rationale with which it’s working.
Madame Web was directed by S.J. Clarkson (who also did the Jessica Jones and The Defenders television shows for Marvel) from a script she helped write with Claire Parker (who produced Life on Mars and Anatomy of a Scandal) along with Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless (the duo who wrote Morbius). Cassandra Webb in the Spider-Man comics is an elderly blind woman who is hooked up to life support machines, and Madame Web is very loosely based on this character in that it is not really an origin story, but an adventure from the past of not only Cassandra, but from the pasts of three teenagers who will become Spider-Women (or, in Anya’s case, Araña). So, it’s more speculative than canon.
It also relies heavily on improbable coincidences and impossible situations that distract from any thrills, spills, or chills that might be manufactured by the thin storyline. The fact that these five individuals would come together and meet the way that they do (in New York City, nonetheless) is far-fetched, even by comic book movie standards, which are heavily relaxed to begin with. Add in a few other elements of the story (that shall go undetailed to avoid spoilers) and the whole thing becomes unbelievable, even for those who are effectively able to suspend their disbelief.
Dakota Johnson is one of those actresses who really needs a good role to shine (think Bad Times at the El Royale or Cha Cha Real Smooth). Madame Web is not a good role for her. Her cardboard line-reading is awkward rather than charming, and she’s good at neither action nor comedy. What’s left is a performance that’s just as hollow as the plot of the film it’s in. And although her co-stars Rahim, Sweeney, O’Connor, and Merced do well with their parts, Johnson’s performance is not memorable enough to anchor the film.
And then, there are the action scenes. And the term is used loosely, as whatever excitement that may be generated by the fight scenes is masked by CG effects or shown too fast for the audience to register what is happening. Granted, Madame Web is a different kind of superhero movie, one that is more thriller than action, but there are inevitable combat scenes, and the work of the poor stunt performers is bogged down with needless motion blur or spinning camera work.
Overall, Madame Web feels like the Sony Spider-Man Universe’s answer to the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s The Marvels, trying to chock as much girl-power into the film as possible. Unlike The Marvels, however, Madame Web doesn’t lean into its campiness, so it’s just not as much fun. And super-hero movies should be fun, right? Madame Web misses that point. With the weirdness of the MCU and “The Multi-Verse Saga,” these characters still may wind up crossing over to the big-time. But I wouldn’t count on it. Maybe the Sony Spider-Man Universe’s next movie, Kraven the Hunter, will be better. We’ll find out this summer.
Grade: D+
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for violence, action, and language
Release Date: 1 hour 57 minutes
Running Time: February 14, 2024
