‘Step Brothers’ Movie Quotes – The Film’s Most Memorable Lines

Will Ferrell, Mary Steenburgen, Richard Jenkins and John C Reilly in Step Brothers
Will Ferrell, Mary Steenburgen, Richard Jenkins and John C Reilly in ‘Step Brothers’ (Photo © Columbia Pictures

Will Ferrell and John C Reilly had such a good time co-starring in 2006’s Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby that they got back together for 2008’s Step Brothers. In their second comedy movie, Ferrell and Reilly play adults forced to actually grow up after their single parents marry and they become step brothers. And while Talladega Nights was rated PG-13, the guys went full-on R with Step Brothers, so these quotes are definitely not safe for the workplace.

The Step Brothers Cast:

    ‘Dale Doback ‘ – John C. Reilly
    ‘Brennan Huff’ – Will Ferrell
    ‘Derek’ – Adam Scott
    ‘Nancy Huff’ – Mary Steenburgen
    ‘Alice’ – Kathryn Hahn
    ‘Dr. Robert Doback’ – Richard Jenkins
    ‘Randy’ – Rob Riggle

Step Brothers Quotes:

Dale Doback: “My dad and I decided that Nancy’s kind of hot, so maybe we should just both bang her and in the meantime deal with the retard.”
Brennan Huff: “Who’s the retard?”
Dale Doback: “You.”

Dale Doback: “You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.”
Brennan Huff: “You’re not a doctor… you’re a big, fat, curly-headed f–k!”

Brennan Huff: “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the sh-t out of you!”

Brennan Huff: “I’m going upstairs because I’m going to put my nutsack on your drum set!”

Brennan Huff: “I tea-bagged your f–king drum set!”

Nancy Huff: “You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.”
Brennan Huff: “Mom, I honestly thought I was gonna be raped for a second. He had the craziest look in his eyes. And at one point he said, ‘Lets get it on.'”
Dale Doback: “That was about the fighting. I am so not a raper!”
Brennan Huff: “Look, I didn’t touch your drum set, okay?”
Dale Doback: “I witnessed with my eyes your testicles touching my drum set.”

Brennan Huff: “This house is a f–king prison!”
Dale Doback: “On Planet Bullshit!”
Brennan Huff: “In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!”

Brennan Huff: “You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.”
Dale Doback: “Yeah, I got ’em from the 70s, 80s and 90s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.”

Brennan Huff: “Hey Derek, do you know what’s good for shoulder pain?
Derek: “What?”
Brennan Huff: “If you lick my butt hole.”

Alice: “I’m going to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina. It’s cozy.”

Dale Doback: “On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don’t even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.”
Dale and Brennan: “Velociraptor.”
Brennan Huff: “Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to?”
Dale and Brennan: “Good Housekeeping.”
Brennan Huff: “If you were a chick, who’s the one guy you’d sleep with?”
Dale and Brennan: “John Stamos.”
Dale Doback: “What?”
Brennan Huff:”Did we just become best friends?”
Dale Doback: “Yup.”
Brennan Huff: “Do you wanna do karate in the garage?”
Dale Doback: “Yup!”

Dale Doback: “Okay, here’s the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta f–k one, marry one, kill one, go!”

Dale Doback: “Is my dad upset about the stuff that happened?”
Nancy Huff: “Robert was very upset, yes. He knows that you interviewed as a team. And he heard about the fart.”
Brennan Huff: “Oh, he did?”
Nancy Huff: “Yeah. You just couldn’t hold it, or you…?”
Dale Doback: “No. I thought it was gonna be silent.”
Brennan Huff: “It was not silent.”
Dale Doback: “It just kept going, and it made a sound. It was embarrassing.”
Brennan Huff: “It got louder. It got louder.”

Brennan Huff: “I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this shit on me?”

Brennan Huff: “Robert better not get in my face because I’ll drop that motherf–ker!”

Brennan Huff: “Hey Derek. Sprechen sie dick.”

Robert Doback: “You jagaloons! You’re failures! FAILURES!”
Brennan Huff: “Hey, you’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric f–k!”
Nancy Huff: “Brennan.”
Brennan Huff: “Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.”
Nancy Huff: “Oh, stop it! Stop it right…”
Brennan Huff: “Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass…”
Nancy Huff: “Brennan!”
Brennan Huff: “…you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!”

Robert Doback: “You know what I got for Christmas? A crushed soul!”

Derek: “I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you… You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.”
Randy: “Like Kobayashi.”
Derek: “I’ve seen him do it.”
Brennan Huff: “You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?”
Derek: “It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.”

Randy: “I don’t know what it is about your face, but I just want to deliver one of these right in your suck hole.” (holding up his fist).

Robert: “Rock the f–k out of those drums, Dale!”

Derek: “What do we do now?”
Brennan Huff: “We could hug.”
Derek: “Yeah, you’d like that, you faggot! I’m sorry, I’m new to this.”

Brennan Huff: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!”