‘The Hangover’ Quotes: Best Lines from the R-Rated Comedy

The Hangover Poster
Poster for The Hangover - © Warner Bros Pictures.

Here’s a collection of some of the funniest lines from the 2009 R-rated record-breaking comedy The Hangover starring Ed Helms, Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, and Justin Bartha.

The Hangover Quotes:

Alan (Zach Galifianakis): “Whatever happens tonight, I won’t ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone. You heard me – it’s Sin City.”
Sid (Jeffrey Tambor): “Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for Herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”

Alan: “That’s right. You better walk on. I’ll hit an old man in public.”

Doug (Justin Bartha): “Tracy did mention we shouldn’t let him gamble. Or drink too much.”
Phil: “Jesus, he’s like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and sh-t.”

Alan: “It’s not illegal, it’s frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.” (commenting on the legalities of counting cards)

Alan: “Hey, guys. You ready to let the dogs out?”

Alan: “I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.”

Alan: (Responding to finding a baby in the closet) “Check its collar or something.”

Stu (Ed Helms): “I look like a nerdy hillbilly.”

Alan: “Tigers love pepper…they hate cinnamon.”

Dr Valsh (Matt Walsh): (Phil asks the doctor if he knows how to get to the chapel) “I do. It’s at the corner of get a map and f–k off.”

Alan: (Talking about burning the cop car) “Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in.”

Stu: “We’re in a stolen cop car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back. What part of this is cool?”
Alan: “I think the cop car part’s pretty cool.”
Phil: “Thank you, Alan!”

Alan: “It would be so cool if I could breastfeed.”

Stu: “You f–king calm down. He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore!”

Stu: “You are literally too stupid to insult.” (to Alan)

Black Doug (Mike Epps): “I always wondered why they were called ruffies. Cause you’re more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call ’em floories.”

Alan: “Oh, you know what? Next week’s no good…the Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it’s totally fine.”