Fox’s Lucifer is back from its much too long spring break, returning on May 1, 2017 with season two episode 14 titled ‘Candy Morningstar.’ The action takes place two weeks after the events in episode 13 and begins with Charlotte (Tricia Helfer) sucking face with a random stranger in Lux. She’s super pissed Lucifer’s abandoned her and it doesn’t help when the stranger also abandons her after her crazy son talk. Maze (Lesley-Ann Brandt) has no sympathy for Charlotte because Charlotte manipulated Lucifer, and she hopes Lucifer’s busy plotting his revenge.

And what is the sexy Devil up to? Lucifer (Tom Ellis) is meeting with some gangster-looking dudes, turning over a bag of money for something in a silver case. (Definitely a very Pulp Fiction-ish vibe going on in that scene.)

Chloe (Lauren German) confirms she hasn’t seen Lucifer since she left the hospital and Dan (Kevin Alejandro) is surprisingly sympathetic. She claims to be over it – but she’s not – and Ella most definitely isn’t over it. They’re at a crime scene and Ella’s going off about Lucifer being warm and fuzzy on the inside, and if looks could kill Ella (Aimee Garcia) would be dead instead of investigating a murder. She apologizes to Chloe but Chloe’s distracted when she thinks she sees Amenadiel (DB Woodside) standing across the street. She does, but he’s not there when she turns to look.

Ella describes the murder victim’s wounds, saying he died of blunt trauma. He wasn’t robbed and when Dan suggests maybe the guy was a clubgoer who got in a bar fight, Chloe deduces he played in a band. Before you give Chloe credit, there was a flyer right next to his body advertising the Heavy Woolies.

Chloe and Dan visit the band and they’re upset because their upcoming tour was going to be huge. They seem more upset about the band’s future than the fact their guitar player/frontman Ash is dead. They describe Ash as “being in a funk” since getting a divorce, and he’s just been crashing on their couches. They suggest Dan and Chloe talk to the ex-wife, Courtney, since she and Ash fought all the time.

Back at the station, Dan tells Chloe that Courtney did have an arrest for being violent two years ago. As they’re walking and talking, Lucifer chimes in. Chloe can’t believe he’s okay and looks about to hug him but stops herself. He shushes her, saying he has news. Chloe continues, dumbstruck that he’s gone missing and now he shushed her. How dare he?! Dan tells him he’s got explaining to do and that’s when we get a glimpse of who’s been keeping Lucifer busy. A stripper named Candy (Lindsey Gort) has apparently been spending time with Lucifer, and she immediately proves she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed by saying it was too stuffy in Lucifer’s convertible. She calls him her honey and then shows off a gigantic diamond ring. (So the Pulp Fiction thing minutes earlier was just a tease.) Chloe looks incredulous and hurt as Lucifer introduces Candy Morningstar as his wife.

Lucifer and Chloe have it out, with Chloe upset he disappeared and showed up with a ditzy stripper. Lucifer said he went to Vegas and wound up with Candy. (Apparently what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas in Lucifer’s case.) Chloe’s disappointed because she thought they were friends, and Lucifer latches onto the word “friends.” He’s happy that’s what they are and wants everything to go back to normal. As Chloe heads off to interrogate Ash’s ex-wife, Dan tells him, “That’s classy, dude. Real classy.” Lucifer says thanks as though he’s not completely sure if that’s a compliment. (It’s not.)

Chloe asks Courtney (Felisha Terrell) why the band fingered her as the likely killer. Courtney claims to have been at work at her online clothing company, calling Ash selfish and childish and explaining she’s the one who had to be the adult in the relationship. Chloe commiserates, saying she also was with an immature partner who made her crazy. Chloe goes a step further, saying she wanted to kill him. Lucifer joins Dan in the next room to listen in on the interview, and Lucifer mistakenly believes the “wanted to kill him” part was about Dan. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer…still not getting it.

Courtney confirms they fought and reveals Ash took everything in their divorce, even though she was the breadwinner. Chloe wonders why Ash didn’t have enough money to rent a place and had to sleep on couches, and Courtney thinks maybe their divorce mediator, who she believes is a crook, took the cash.

Amenadiel and Charlotte are still trying to find Lucifer when Amenadiel discovers CottonCandy86 tagged him at The Grove. When he starts listing off hashtags, Charlotte wants to know if he’s speaking in tongues. What he’s really saying is that Candy and Lucifer are married and got yogurt to celebrate. Amenadiel’s confused because Lucifer told him to watch over Chloe, and Charlotte believes Maze is right that Lucifer has a plan they don’t know about.

Courtney’s alibi holds up and Chloe and Dan decide to check on Anthony Annan (Jonathan Togo), the mediator. Lucifer and Candy return as Chloe and Dan are looking at Anthony’s photo, and Candy calls him “Mannequin Hair,” pointing out he’s also in the picture taken at the murder scene standing outside the police line. Dan actually thanks Candy and Lucifer tells her good job, while Chloe pastes a fake smile on her face. Lucifer thinks they’re having fun and he’s back on duty, and as he’s about to call for a cab for Candy, he comes up with a better idea. Why not go “splitsies” on Trixie’s nanny? She can watch Trixie and Candy. Candy, again proving she’s more than a few bricks short of a load, asks Chloe if she knows Lucifer plays piano better than Elton Tom.

Lucifer believes he’s perfect for this case since it involves a band and Chloe has horrible taste in music, but Chloe’s not about to take him back. She tells him their partnership is over after he ghosted her. “You can’t just march back in here like nothing’s wrong. You can’t just grab what you want when you want,” yells Chloe. A contrite Lucifer listens as Chloe, in tears, tells him he let her down. She adds, “I don’t need you anymore,” and sends him away.

Lucifer and his new bride hop over to Dr. Linda’s (Rachael Harris) and she tries to ask questions without giving away his secret. Lucifer assures her he has no secrets from Candy, and Dr. Linda asks if the trauma has made him act rashly. Lucifer, who rarely admits to doing anything wrong, says no and that he’s thought through everything. She then asks about Chloe and their relationship, and Lucifer says that was just smoke and mirrors courtesy of his dad. Dr. Linda asks just the right question, wondering why he then felt the need to return to Chloe. He covers by saying he missed his work and that they’re a crime-fighting duo. Candy chimes in saying when she got fired she kept going to work anyway and she made herself “expandable.” Yes, expandable. She got her a boob job, making her expandable…

Dr. Linda admits just showing up isn’t a bad idea, and Lucifer compliments his bride.

Dan calls Chloe and tells her the mediator won’t talk, and then calls out Lucifer who’s been following him and is now holding up a stick trying to blend in with a potted plant. Lucifer tells Dan he just wants everything to return to how it used to be and reveals he has a brilliant idea.

So, Lucifer’s idea involves going undercover with Candy who, while he’s talking to Chloe, is bent over with Maze inches from her butt. (Maze’s reaction to Candy’s butt: “Awesome. Lucifer has outdone himself.”) Maze then stares at Candy’s expandables while Lucifer asks Chloe if she’s prejudiced against exotic dancers. Chloe’s had enough and ushers Lucifer and his wife out of her apartment.

Lucifer finally shows up at his place and Charlotte’s there, happy he’s finally returned. After Candy asks if Charlotte’s his sister, Lucifer officially introduces her to his mom. Candy can’t get over how young Charlotte looks and Charlotte takes Candy out on a shopping trip to find out everything about this new development.

Maze asks Chloe what she thinks of Candy, and Chloe replies, “Well, I think she’s perfect for Lucifer.” She also agrees with Maze that Candy’s bra size is about the same as her IQ. Maze realizes Chloe’s mad and tries to make her understand that Lucifer has done this before. He does stupid things but always comes back around. Chloe declares she’s done with Lucifer and she won’t take him back as a partner. Maze suggests Chloe and Lucifer need a mediator, and that gives Chloe an idea.

Chloe and Lucifer visit mediator Anthony Annan, however Chloe’s dressed up and acting like Candy and calling herself Mrs. Candy Morningstar. Chloe tells Anthony her partnership with Lucifer isn’t working anymore after just five days. Lucifer says they work brilliantly together but Chloe says that description only applies to the bedroom. She then adds the problem is really that Lucifer disappears and pops up with a ditzy bimbo. Lucifer resents the implication he’s cheating, and Chloe slams him for taking marriage seriously, saying that’s why he chose a bedazzled tweener as a wife.

Things turn serious as Lucifer and Chloe get real and spill their guts. Lucifer says he’s been through Hell (literally) and Chloe reminds him she almost died. She almost believes he cares and then he asks, “Have you ever known me to lie?” He looks shocked when she says she doesn’t know.

They take a break and Anthony asks “Candy” if she’s okay. Chloe takes this opportunity to ask him to swing things her way and she’d make it worth his while. He doesn’t take the bait, saying that would be unethical. Lucifer pops into the discussion, telling him he did it for Ash, and Chloe’s forced to pull out her badge. Anthony swears he’d never hurt Ash and Lucifer does his mind trick, getting Anthony to admit he wanted the Heavy Woolies to be the hugest band ever. He then reveals he mediated Ash and Courtney’s divorce for free because he loves the band and their music.

And, Ash had promised him that someday he would be their manager. He opens a closet and it’s full of the Heavy Woolies records they bought using Ash’s ex-wife’s money. The album made it onto the charts thanks to their purchases and the group was booked for a huge tour. Anthony was at the crime scene because he thought Ash was going to kick Marla the bassist out of the band. He was there to see what happened and that’s when he saw Ash, dead. “It was the night the music died,” says Anthony, choking up.

Lucifer and Chloe have uncovered a new suspect, but Chloe’s not ready to forgive Lucifer and sends him home. “Candy needs you more than I do,” says Chloe.

Candy and Charlotte are out shopping and Charlotte asks if Lucifer mentioned matricide. Candy, of course, believes this is a reference to their mattress. Charlotte asks Candy to spill the beans on their plans, and Candy – unfortunately – does. She talks about some day in the future opening a tanning salon or some other business, and Charlotte is stunned. “You’re speaking and yet I don’t understand a single word,” says Charlotte who’s looking at her daughter-in-law like a weird creature who’s somehow wormed her way into Lucifer’s life. Candy is gushing over Charlotte being her mom and that they’re family, and then she throws her arms around Charlotte and gives her a huge hug.

Charlotte tells Amenadiel Candy’s a sinister genius and her most formidable foe. Candy didn’t give Charlotte anything to work with and they’re no closer to learning Lucifer’s secret agenda. Amenadiel doesn’t believe there is a secret plan and it dawns on Charlotte that maybe Lucifer is a deeply damaged soul. Is it possible her son is broken and she’s the one who did it? Charlotte blames herself for manipulating him and admits she’s a terrible mother.

Back at the station, Chloe, Dan, and Ella go over what Chloe and Lucifer found out from the mediator and take a look at Marla’s limited, mostly minor criminal record. Both Ella and Dan seem genuinely happy Chloe’s patching things up with Lucifer, but she still claims she’s not. Chloe doesn’t think Marla’s the killer but then Ella looks at a photo of Marla’s bass and thinks the marks on Ash’s head could have been made by the knobs on the bass.

Chloe heads to a club where Marla’s supposedly hanging out and moments after she arrives Lucifer Morningstar shows up on stage. He dedicates the song to “a woman who doesn’t need him anymore,” and he sits down at the piano to play The Bangles’ “Eternal Flame.” (Yes! It’s about time Tom Ellis sang again!) Anyway, after a few lines he says he’s dedicated it to Marla, asking if she’s there. People push her toward the stage and she’s not in the least bit happy. “See, you need me,” says Lucifer to Chloe who’s sort of smiling.

Back at the station, Lucifer strums on Marla’s bass. He’s come up with a song for Chloe: “Crime-solving Devil, it makes sense. Don’t overthink it,” he sings before Ella interrupts with news on the forensics from the bass. She found Ash’s blood on the tuning knobs, and Lucifer’s happy it proves the department and Chloe need him. Amenadiel chooses that moment to show up, breaking the staring contest going on between Chloe and Lucifer.

Amenadiel is mad he guarded Chloe at Lucifer’s request, believing she meant something to his brother. Amenadiel calls Chloe special and Lucifer chimes in, saying she’s a “whoopee cushion” sent from his dad. That doesn’t give Lucifer an excuse to turn his back on Chloe and ignore her feelings, says Amenadiel. But Lucifer believes those feelings aren’t real, and Amenadiel says Chloe doesn’t realize the feelings aren’t real. “Which is why I had to save her from…,” reveals Lucifer. “From you,” says Amenadiel, finishing his brother’s sentence.

Amenadiel finally realizes Lucifer’s protecting – not ignoring – Chloe specifically because she had no choice but to have feelings for him. By ignoring her, Lucifer is giving her back her choice. Amenadiel apologizes and wants Lucifer to explain some of this to their mother, reminding him Charlotte died and went to Hell for him because she loves him. Amenadiel believes their mom did what she thought was best for Lucifer, just as Lucifer’s doing what he thinks is best for Chloe. That strikes a nerve with the Devil who, for once, is speechless.

On their way in to interrogate Marla, Dan admits he told Lucifer where Chloe was. He also admits they talk since Lucifer helped save Chloe’s life. Marla says she didn’t kill Ash and only ran because she thought they were busting her for making fake IDs. She didn’t know Ash was going to kick her out of the band and she has an alibi. Posts on Wooble show she couldn’t have killed Ash, and also show Doug the drummer had Marla’s bass last. Dan suggests Chloe take Lucifer to arrest Doug.

Lucifer’s phone rings as they’re entering Doug’s apartment, and he’s distracted talking to Candy when Doug puts a cord around his neck. Chloe yells at Doug to let Lucifer go and Doug says if she doesn’t drop the gun he’ll kill her partner. Lucifer tells Doug to go ahead and kill him since he’s useless to Chloe. Chloe shoots Doug and Lucifer is freed, although she jokes she was aiming for her partner.

Candy arrives at the scene and hugs Chloe for saving him. She also reveals all Lucifer does is talk about his work and about Chloe. Apparently, Lucifer talks all the time about how he almost lost Chloe to poison and how he went through hell. Lucifer arrives and Candy leaps into his arms, and Chloe seems okay with that. She’s also okay with him coming back to work.

Charlotte tries to write a letter to Lucifer, but he arrives before she finishes. He doesn’t forgive her but he thinks she was well-intentioned. He admits he’s more pissed at dad for making the feelings a lie. As he’s leaving, Charlotte confesses all she’s wanted to do is get back to Heaven. She reminds him that if he would have had the flaming sword, he would have won the rebellion. Lucifer says it’s best not to dwell on the past since the sword was destroyed, but Charlotte reveals a huge secret: the sword is on Earth and already in his possession. Azrael’s Blade is the flaming sword, which means they can go home.

And now the big twist… Candy is not Lucifer’s wife. It was a huge setup to get a look inside Charlotte’s head to find out what she was up to. Candy, who is definitely not ditzy, thanks him for saving her life in Vegas. She begins to take off the ring and he tells her to keep it and gives him his ring. They hug and before she gets in the car to leave, she asks what’s going on between him and Chloe. Lucifer doesn’t answer and Candy warns him not to screw that up. “I’m trying not to,” says Lucifer.